Value

The rapper/gangster subculture of the last twenty years has based song after song on the theme of respect. That culture seems incapable of realizing that respect is gained where respect is given. Brutality does not earn respect. It earns fear and violence.

Rather than approaching one another with macho intimidation, I suggest we take each other in with an eye to value those things which make each of us unique and valuable in some way. Valuing one another and ourselves for what we can contribute is a way to avoid focusing on our deficits and weaknesses.

The current pop-culture abhorrence of "judging" is often a defense against looking at selfish and/or dysfunctional behavior in ourselves. Judgment is absolutely necessary to survival and productivity in life. Anyone who stops judging human behaviors and situations will have a bumpy road ahead. However, judging behaviors can be balanced by valuing those aspects of behaviors, people and situations, which enhance our lives. In other words, it helps to learn to tolerate the bad, within limits, while appreciating the good in any relationship or situation.

As we become more adept at recognizing and validating value in our relationships and life situations, our lives gain depth and quality. This process helps us to define our own personal values, which then become sign posts along our paths in life.

Fear

How much of your life is governed by fear? Fear of animals? Fear of disease? Fear of pain? Fear of violence? Fear of theft? Fear of poverty? Fear of loneliness? Fear of loss? Fear of fire? Fear of commitment? Fear of abandonment? Fear of the unknown? Fear of social ostracism? Fear of forgetfulness? Fear of mockery? Fear of passion?

My experience with fear, which is extensive, has taught me that the first step of freeing myself from its effects is to acknowledge and clearly examine it, despite my anxiety in that process. "Face your fear." It's a common approach, and it works, with practice and conscious effort.

The most dangerous fear is the fear that goes unrecognized. It eats like invisible termites at the foundation of personal integrity. Eventually, integrity gives way to fear and collapses under strain. The erosion of the German popular psyche in the Nazi era is an all-too-grotesque example.

My humanist practice has developed in part as my success at confronting my own fears has grown. I see these growth processes as intertwined. This is no surprise to anyone who has studied psychology and cognitive neuroscience.

Fear triggers fight-or-flight mechanisms in the brain and body. It is difficult to be a nurse, when fear is constantly encouraging you to flee, I assure you. But, my battle with fear began earlier than that. It began with my fear of loss and abandonment as a child. As I struggled out of a pre-adolescent, suicidal depression, precipitated by the sudden deaths of seven key people in my life, I recognized that I had to force myself to see beyond my fear responses. It was very difficult, but I did it with the routine determination and perserverance of a gymnast. And, I still do.

In this age of PTSD awareness, more and more understanding of fear is uncovered by science. Fear is hard-wired. Living with fear and trauma-memory which re-triggers it, requires practice in order to be able to function as a caring and open person in the world. The individual must change to adapt to a slow-changing world of violence, insecurity, ignorance and poverty.

Breaking free of the crippling, inhibiting and/or diverting effects of fear through desensitization by experience is at the core of all forms of human liberation. Being truly, mindfully compassionate often requires acknowledging and calming one's own fear in the moment. Being balanced on the mindful path as a humanist is a constant quest to live in internal peace with all that is human within.

Responsibility

Taking personal responsibility with right action in one's relationships with the world and oneself is a constant challenge of practice.

I was recently approached by a neighbor with a problem he had created by shoddy work in his own house. It became obvious to me very quickly that he felt he could manipulate me into fixing the problem, even though it had nothing to do with me. The question this posed to my consciousness was this: Is it more responsible to ease my way out of this situation or is it more responsible to confront his disrespect and dishonesty in our relationship?

Since I have set a goal of patient discretion in my practice, I did neither in the moment. I gave him a referral to a tradesman who could solve the problem and left the situation for him to work out. Subsequently, I checked with the tradesman discreetly to make sure he had been contracted to fix the problem which was potentially very dangerous.

Many of us choose inaction in stressful or frightening situations. This is not practice. Inaction in the presence of conscious choices of right vs. wrong actions is irresponsible to oneself and one's world.

Learning to deliberate patiently despite anger, fear or frustration is a keystone of practice. This only comes, paradoxically, with practice itself. It takes practice to prime the pump of practice. Today is the best day to start this practice.

Bullies

The world is run by bullies. Aggressive men and women make it to the top of private and public pyramids with many casualities along the way. This is probably one of the major reasons why poverty and violence are virtually untouched by political and monetary powers around the entire world.

The majority of men and women are conditioned to accede to bullies early in their lives. They are beaten or humiliated into submission as children. Those lessons go deep into the developing psyche. Perhaps this is one reason for the ineffectiveness of educators at stopping this from being perpetuated in the schools they now run. They too have been conditioned to accept bullies as unbeatable, or are the administrators in education bullies themselves?

Dick Cheney is perhaps one of the most outstanding bullies of our age, equaled by the thugs who run Myanmar (Burma) or the thugs who run parts of Somalia. Any man or woman who shamelessly defends torture is a bully, no matter what his or her rationalization may be. And Cheney still wields power. His Blackwater-Halliburton buddies are gearing up to make another fortune in Afghanistan. It seems obvious to me that there will be a succession of these conflicts as long as they are in business with the Pentagon, and as long as there are Cheneys to get them their way.

How does practice relate to dealing with bullies? Bullies draw their power from the fear of their victims. The mindful person can see a bully readily. The mindful person can then refuse to acknowledge the bully's power. Ignore bullies. If confronted by a bully, refuse to engage in any intercourse with that person. If pushed by the bully, walk away. If pursued by the bully, call the police. The police are the people's bullies ideally. They are hired by bullies to bully the bullies.

Bullies fear the truth. They also fear those who do not need or want anything from them. Refusing to acknowledge the bully is a great weapon to defend against him. This can be honed with daily practice of peace, compassion and focus on that which is positive and good.

FundaMENTALism

The fundamentally and dogmatically religious are, by definition, intellectually afraid. They are not stupid. They simply are not adult learners or questioners, those human beings who are never satisfied with one simple answer.

The source of this fear could be poor socialization, conditioned dread of change. a genetic predisposition to paranoia or xenophobia, or other dysfunctional personality traits. The primitive human ego externalizes fears and projects them onto 'the outsiders', those outside the comfortable, conditioned or adopted belief system.

Compassion for these individuals can be a challenge for a person in evolutionary practice, since the fundamentalist of any belief system purposely, out of defensiveness, places himself in aggressive opposition to anyone who challenges his fundamentalism. Aggression is a natural defense of the primitive and fearful. The fundamentalist is an expert in fear. He uses it as his natural weapon and defense. The current U.S. government is controlled by these fundamentalists. They fear loss of control of wealth, oil, power. The Muslim jihadists are afraid of loss of control of land, their oil, their women and their wealth.

Mindful interaction with fundamentalists must be based in this understanding of them. Anger is always counterproductive and especially so with fundamentalists and growling dogs. The practitioner of peaceful human evolution can avoid their aggression by distance, silence, kindness, education or any other skill. However, to expect any result outside oneself in practice is folly. So, caution and wisdom are best observed when dealing with the fearfully religious.

I focus on my practice, not on the obstacles to my practice.

Boundaries

I ride the subway every week. I have found that the walls around people in that social space have become all but impenetrable. Eye contact is avoided. Facial expressions are flat and devoid of emotion. Occasionally, while reading an advertisement above the heads of passengers opposite me which solicits subjects for a depression study at a local medical center, I fight the urge to direct my fellow riders' attention to the ad above them.

Is this just post-911 ennui? I do not think so.

Boundaries are necessary in a civil society and in healthy relationships between friends or family. Yet, in this society, which is increasingly uncivil, the boundaries erected by individuals against social contacts with strangers are not symptomatic of health. Rather, these are walls built out of fear. And the fear is quite justified, when teenagers are carrying illegal firearms and all the mental institutions have been emptied onto the streets.

My practice is simple. I try to remain open in social situations, yet I also respect the boundaries obviously erected by those who are afraid. I do intervene when I see criminal behavior. I report it or directly address it. Recently I told a teenager to stop defacing the interior of a subway car with a permanent marker, for example. He was so humiliated, he sat like a turnip with his head bowed for the next several stops when I left the train. Part of practice for me entails doing the work of determining the boundaries and responsibilities of being a responsible citizen, friend or family member. Avoiding that work is irresponsible and will only make matters worse for everyone.

Fear

Television, radio and print outlets in America are intentionally peddling fear for profit. Fearful people are easier to control. Fearful people do not parade openly in demonstrations against a corrupt, corporate-controlled government. Fearful people gladly hand over exorbitant taxes to pay for armies and police forces. Fearful people are more likely to act defensively and irrationally under stress. This fear mongering is intentional and corrupting. It can turn a peaceful and tolerant society into a Fascist police state. Perhaps this is the agenda of the corporations which control the governments of the developed world.

Oppression

Oppression is accomplished by instilling fear.
Fearlessness is the antidote.
Face the oppressor.
Look him in the eye fearlessly and firmly.
Stare down the oppressor wherever he appears.

Oppression is accomplished by instilling fear.
Liberation is accomplished by rejecting fear.

Cowardice

A Republican representative from Florida resigned today from his seat in the U.S. Congress because it was discovered that he was coming on to a 16 year old male Congressional page. Here is an example of true cowardice on all levels. This is a man who is affiliated with a party which openly and proudly discriminates against homosexuals. This is a man who is affiliated with a party which is openly holier-than-thou on just about every political issue. This is a man who preys on adolescents, despite holding considerable power and privilege in this corrupt Republican government. Shades of Goering. When will the people awake from their stupor and reject these bullying cowards? I hope, for their own sake, it is soon.

Possession

We truly possess nothing. Possession implies control over that which is possessed. At best (or worst), we make a social contract through Law to have the exclusive right to hold or use something. Yet, the Law can take that so-called possession away at the rap of a gavel. Even our own bodies are not solely controlled by ourselves in society. And, if you have ever yet dealt with a life-threatening or maiming disease, you know that possession of a human body is no guaranteed paradise or refuge. I recently watched a documentary about the removal of radical Jewish settlers from the Gaza Strip. Indoctrinated by theology, these poor human beings went through hellish torment. Not at the hands of the Israeli army, which had the sad task of trying to help these people. In fact, their hell was a result of their religious gullibility and delusions. They simply could not let go without torturing themselves in the process. Learning to tread the Middle Path between possession and being possessed is a very crucial part of my own practice. It requires tremendous will to propel my spirit from the weight of fear, conditioning and the endless pressures of society to conform to the delusion of materialism.

Fear

Recent discovery of a plot to kill passengers on commercial aircraft has once again raised panic in the entitled developed world, which is hesitant to demand an immediate stop to the violence in the Middle East where civilians are being killed in considerable numbers daily. The fear is rational and well earned. If your government practices and supports unjustified violence against innocents, isn't it rational to expect retaliation by those who are horrified by this injustice? Of course it is. If you see death as a weapon, as a form of punishment, it is wise to fear it with your whole being.