Responsibility

Taking personal responsibility with right action in one's relationships with the world and oneself is a constant challenge of practice.

I was recently approached by a neighbor with a problem he had created by shoddy work in his own house. It became obvious to me very quickly that he felt he could manipulate me into fixing the problem, even though it had nothing to do with me. The question this posed to my consciousness was this: Is it more responsible to ease my way out of this situation or is it more responsible to confront his disrespect and dishonesty in our relationship?

Since I have set a goal of patient discretion in my practice, I did neither in the moment. I gave him a referral to a tradesman who could solve the problem and left the situation for him to work out. Subsequently, I checked with the tradesman discreetly to make sure he had been contracted to fix the problem which was potentially very dangerous.

Many of us choose inaction in stressful or frightening situations. This is not practice. Inaction in the presence of conscious choices of right vs. wrong actions is irresponsible to oneself and one's world.

Learning to deliberate patiently despite anger, fear or frustration is a keystone of practice. This only comes, paradoxically, with practice itself. It takes practice to prime the pump of practice. Today is the best day to start this practice.

Perspective

My key to compassionate behavior is always realizing my own perspective is uniquely mine.

My upbringing, my genetics, my body chemistry, my body architecture, my neural wiring...these are what make me who I am and how I perceive reality. Even if I had an identical twin, my twin would have different perspective from me, because my twin would be seeing through his own eyes and hearing with his own ears and feeling with his own touch. His experiences would be different from mine. That would shape a different perspective, no matter how much we would share in common.

In stressful situations, I have to fall back on my practice to take a deep breath and find this key to compassion. And, as I age, life becomes more stressful on a basic biological level. Practice offsets much of the biological stress. Yet, in my interactions with those who are not committed to practice of any kind, I must rely on compassion to avoid conflict and promote peaceful coexistence.

Trying to leave my own perspective for even an instant is very hard at times. Doing this regularly by consciously trying to learn the perspective of others is another building block of my practice. This does not necessitate accepting the values of others. It simply entails listening and trying to understand.

The most compassionate behavior toward some people I encounter, after I listen and observe them to understand their perspective, is to walk away from them without any interaction whatsoever. Occasionally, I realize that the most compassionate behavior is to simply continue to listen, to offer a smile, a comment or some form of concrete assistance. Sometimes, the compassionate choice is to accept the concern and help of another.

When I center my own perspective on compassion, while trying always to be mindful of the realities of the moment, I find that peace and harmony, both internal and external, are quite achievable with work and persistence.

Bullies

The world is run by bullies. Aggressive men and women make it to the top of private and public pyramids with many casualities along the way. This is probably one of the major reasons why poverty and violence are virtually untouched by political and monetary powers around the entire world.

The majority of men and women are conditioned to accede to bullies early in their lives. They are beaten or humiliated into submission as children. Those lessons go deep into the developing psyche. Perhaps this is one reason for the ineffectiveness of educators at stopping this from being perpetuated in the schools they now run. They too have been conditioned to accept bullies as unbeatable, or are the administrators in education bullies themselves?

Dick Cheney is perhaps one of the most outstanding bullies of our age, equaled by the thugs who run Myanmar (Burma) or the thugs who run parts of Somalia. Any man or woman who shamelessly defends torture is a bully, no matter what his or her rationalization may be. And Cheney still wields power. His Blackwater-Halliburton buddies are gearing up to make another fortune in Afghanistan. It seems obvious to me that there will be a succession of these conflicts as long as they are in business with the Pentagon, and as long as there are Cheneys to get them their way.

How does practice relate to dealing with bullies? Bullies draw their power from the fear of their victims. The mindful person can see a bully readily. The mindful person can then refuse to acknowledge the bully's power. Ignore bullies. If confronted by a bully, refuse to engage in any intercourse with that person. If pushed by the bully, walk away. If pursued by the bully, call the police. The police are the people's bullies ideally. They are hired by bullies to bully the bullies.

Bullies fear the truth. They also fear those who do not need or want anything from them. Refusing to acknowledge the bully is a great weapon to defend against him. This can be honed with daily practice of peace, compassion and focus on that which is positive and good.