Cruelty

The minor cruelties of life are the most socially erosive. I see examples of these minor cruelties every day in my crowded urban environment. The adolescent thug lounges across three subway seats as people stand around him in the aisles. Groups of young pedestrians push past a tenuously balanced elder on a crowded sidewalk. The entitled customer holds up a cashier line for no reason with little regard for those behind him. Drivers routinely risk the well being of others by running red lights.

When I walked into my 90-year-old mother's hospital room last evening on a relatively quiet hospital floor in a renowned urban hospital, I found that the meal server had placed her food tray just out of her reach and had not helped her raise her bed to an eating position. My mother, having had a hip replacement two days earlier, had been struggling to reach her meal prior to my arrival. I later saw the meal server when she collected the tray officiously. It was obvious that she was oblivious to how cruel and alienating her attitude was.

The minor cruelties add up to the major atrocities in society. This is a well known process. It can be reversed only by education and example. I consider it part of my practice as a humanist in society to foster attitudes of cooperation and consideration of all human beings in life situations. As a citizen, I believe I can do this best by modeling considerate and cooperative civil behavior in public situations. In work situations, modeling cooperative and considerate behavior with peers is a way of working against a culture of cruelty. As a supervisor, intervening against cruel or antisocial behavior is an ethical responsibility in my opinion.

The politics of fear in America have many side effects. One unfortunate side effect is the obvious hesitancy of people in public situations to engage with strangers. This generalized social isolation is destructive to the fiber of social cooperation and consideration. It makes open expression of compassion a rare commodity. And, it makes each of us more vulnerable to the cruelty of others.

Responsibility

The keystone of any self-improvement is the relentless acceptance of personal responsibility for creating positive change in your life and your environment.

Courage

In the materialist and hedonist American culture, we are bombarded by stories in various media about people facing adversity by continuing to live "active" lives which often entail trips to exotic places, bicycle tournaments, cross-country treks. The media, owned by corporations who sell things, like trips, bicycles and motel rooms, have a vested interest in portraying the "brave" survivors of adversity as determined consumers.

Some who survive adversity become businesses, like the segments of the breast-cancer-fundraising industry, which has been exposed as a cash cow for some indiscriminate entrepreneurs while yielding limited net funds to cancer research. Parents of afflicted children, with the help of media promotion, have started non-profits which have become their full-time job, yielding much higher annual salaries than they ever expected in their original occupations, while yielding relatively little money to help others.

I am sorry to say that many of these trends are modeled on the example of the so-called, non-profit AIDS industry. By diligently pursuing Federal grants, running trendy fundraisers and setting up highly specific non-profits, some in the AIDS industry have made huge salaries, bought second homes and retired early on large pensions. They have traveled the globe on tax-deductible money under the pretext of attending conferences. AIDS transmission has not been impacted commensurate to the cost of funding these agencies.

What about the courage of those who live with adversity humbly and responsibly without participating in corruption, tax-evasion or manipulation of public sentiment? Millions of people live these lives day by day without resentment or selfishness. Yet, they are not held up as role models for those who may some day be confronted with a life crisis. Their wisdom is considered weakness by many. By the materialist and selfish, they are seen as losers.

What a sad state our culture is in! Despite the recent failure of greedy capitalism, our government struggles to prop it back up. People who come here illegally and reap the benefits of the hard work of native-born and legally immigrated Americans are seen as victims. Our Congress argues over billions of dollars to keep rich war contractors happy. Millions of people are losing their homes in foreclosure, while real estate experts joyfully tout increased sales and higher prices of property, as the banks resell the properties they have taken back.

It takes courage to live a simple and responsible life. To fulfill daily commitments to those we love requires consistency and routine. Flying off to a beach in Thailand at will is not on the menu of someone who loves and cares for others with a limited income. But we seldom hear the story of those who do the washing, the dressing and the feeding of those who cannot function by themselves.

I applaud and admire the courage of those who care responsibly and humbly for their fellow human beings throughout their lives. They are the unseen fabric which holds a society together. They often enable others in family systems to live more colorful and recreational lives without ever getting acknowledged for their contribution.

Time

You cannot place your foot in the same river twice. Like a river, our lives change with each moment. You can choose in each moment whether to paddle with the current of your life or against it. Either choice is yours to make. Neither choice is the right one.

Birthday

What is the obsession with birthdays about? Why do we choose to forget that every birthday is a sentence to a death day?

Birth is the lottery of the Universe. Where you are born, to whom you are born, with what genetic characteristics you are born, all these determine your life experience to a great degree. Those, for the most part, who are blessed in birth deny this, but it is true, statistically and scientifically.

So, life itself is a lottery. There are winners and losers on an elemental level. One human reaction to this reality is to claim their winnings are deigned by a Supreme Being. Another is to enshrine their luckier ancestors as deserving of great praise and sanctity. Yet another is to establish and enshrine a genetic dynasty. The losers of life's lottery cope, strive and survive as best they can. If they are fortunate enough or aggressive enough, they may find themselves in a society which believes in social security and economic justice for all. If not, they live and die in hunger, pain and misery.

I have always found birthday celebrations somewhat silly. "Look how wonderful I am." or "Look what a wonderful human being I have made." or "Look at what a wonderful person I have employed or found to love." These have been the undercurrents of all too many birthday celebrations I have observed. While I think applauding, supporting and loving people every day is a worthy practice, I feel uncomfortable when I see celebrations that are lies in settings where the daily practice of love, support and appreciation are badly lacking. These parties often ring of hypocrisy and token compensation for neglect and bad treatment.

I happen to believe my death day is a much more important day, of which to be constantly mindful. It may be today. I think of how different human society would be, if we all were aware of this in every moment as part of our human experience.

Part of becoming a true humanist is embracing the reality of the human condition in your own daily life. Every human being you see has been brought into life unwillingly into circumstances outside his/her control. Most have been brought into life by human beings who have not realistically accepted the grave responsibility of reproduction. They have rolled the dice for the unborn, who must then live with the consequences for a whole lifetime and then die.

This brings great sobriety to bringing another human being to life. I have seen those who have accepted this fully. They are the few exemplary parents I have met. However, I have seen many more birthday celebrations where the true children were the parents, still at sea with what their lives are truly about.

As a totally homosexual man, I have won one lottery, I feel, by not having the biological urge to take the vast staggering, responsibility for fathering another human life. This does give me a very different perspective on birth and death. I do not see myself as somehow becoming immortal through my offspring, for example. This is a concept that seems rather primitive to me, frankly.

I am the genetic offspring of two human beings, but I certainly am not either one of them in consciousness or practice. I would not want to be. It is enough of a burden to live with what I have been left genetically and environmentally through their transmission of various challenges to be overcome. Perhaps, if I had been otherwise gifted, I would feel differently. I understand that. But, I have not, and billions of others on this planet have not. My empathy and compassion is with them.

I have struggled with this question for many years now. I no longer see my displeasure over my birthday as simply neurotic, as I have been encouraged to do by many I know. My practice every year is to use my birthday as a time to meditate on these issues again. And, as the approach of my death day becomes more palpable, my perspective becomes wider and deeper on the randomness and commonality of all life. So much of being human, it seems to me, is choosing to do daily whatever we can to improve on life's accidents for all our fellow beings.

Responsibility

Taking personal responsibility with right action in one's relationships with the world and oneself is a constant challenge of practice.

I was recently approached by a neighbor with a problem he had created by shoddy work in his own house. It became obvious to me very quickly that he felt he could manipulate me into fixing the problem, even though it had nothing to do with me. The question this posed to my consciousness was this: Is it more responsible to ease my way out of this situation or is it more responsible to confront his disrespect and dishonesty in our relationship?

Since I have set a goal of patient discretion in my practice, I did neither in the moment. I gave him a referral to a tradesman who could solve the problem and left the situation for him to work out. Subsequently, I checked with the tradesman discreetly to make sure he had been contracted to fix the problem which was potentially very dangerous.

Many of us choose inaction in stressful or frightening situations. This is not practice. Inaction in the presence of conscious choices of right vs. wrong actions is irresponsible to oneself and one's world.

Learning to deliberate patiently despite anger, fear or frustration is a keystone of practice. This only comes, paradoxically, with practice itself. It takes practice to prime the pump of practice. Today is the best day to start this practice.

Change

Change is inevitable. Our bodies change constantly. The weather changes. The planet itself is always changing.

Human beings can execute behaviors, based on thought, which can change our environment. Yet, how do we use this exceptional ability? We use it to accumulate things at the expense of our health and well being.

The change which some politicians are promoting in their speeches is not really change for the betterment of the species or the planet. Their focus is to preserve the bad habits of materialism and selfishness which are rapidly degrading the planet. They are obsessed with human creations, wealth and power.

True change for the better would be focused on education, the alleviation of poverty by taxing the materialistic, directly dealing with overpopulation and holding responsible those who have plundered human wealth for irresponsible and destructive purposes. However, the domination of world governments by the very greedy corporate entities who have been destroying the planet for decades has perhaps already doomed the human species to a bleak future for some time to come.

Individual practice always allows for positive change in one human life. If the current destructive course of the human experience is to be reversed, individual practice will be at the core of that change. Living in the light of truth with compassion and responsibility is one way to create daily changes in the world, one life at a time.

Politics

We are on the verge of a political season of promises, dirty tricks, celebrity worship and unrealistic expectations. The party conventions will be held later this month in the US.

Politicians, like religious leaders, often present their own compulsion for fame and power as selfless compassion in order to win votes. I am sure that some of them believe their own myths. However, someone committed to practice understands that power corrupts. It distracts from the focus on personal responsibility and personal evolution toward compassion, humility, acceptance, and liberation from need and desire.

Administration of the basic infrastructure of society is necessary. Politicians are failures at this. One needs only look at the nearest bridge or highway. One needs only to walk along the shore of the nearest public beach of lake or ocean. One needs only to ride through the poorest neighborhood in any city.

Politicians ignore the one largest threat to planetary peace and well being. Totally. That is overpopulation, of course.

So, as part of my own practice, I stay informed about politics. However, I focus my energy upon my own responsibility and development. No matter who becomes president, senator, representative or selectman, I must live my life with open consciousness in order to evolve. To do otherwise is reactionary and delusional. If every adult simply lived in practice, based in responsible action and just cause, politics, as they now exist, would be unnecessary and obsolete.

Responsibility

One of the symptoms of overpopulation is the absence of responsibility and accountability between one individual and another in simple day-to-day interactions.

Capitalism thrives on overpopulation. This is basic to its structure. More customers, more widgets sold, more money for the capitalist. In fact, a scarcity of widgets, which inconveniences the widget-buyer, is a good thing for the capitalist, who can charge more per widget. Hence, the gouging of survivors of any disaster by those capitalists who have food and services to sell. This is not human nature. This is capitalist nature.

When capitalism is applied to health care, the result is plain to see in any hospital today. Too many patients, intentionally rationed resources, high prices, overworked providers of care and no accountability. Lack of accountability is almost a necessity in a hospital where the volume of patients exceeds the capacity of the facility. The administrators, capitalists from capitalist university educations, are delighted by this situation. More fees, more money for more buildings and higher administrative salaries. But, the patients receive inadequate care. The providers become irresponsible, because their mandate is dominated now by economic gain, not quality of care.

I recently encountered this process again. A resident physician wrote an incorrect prescription for a necessary pain medication for someone who just had a significant surgical procedure. The physician had not taken the time to research the pain medication in order to prescribe the correct dosage. I took the prescription to the pharmacy, where an overworked and exasperated pharmacy worker refused to fill the prescription. The medication was needed immediately for the surgical patient, whose pain was understandably acute and worsening.

The overworked pharmacist made a minimal attempt to correct the problem: A phone call to a voice machine. I had to pursue the issue for the next three hours by telephone. I was told the erring physician, when contacted, refused to correct the prescription on the grounds that he was "busy". I was told another physician would take care of it. Nothing happened. I called the surgeon's ofice and then managed to speak with one highly motivated and responsive person who took pains to accommodate the patient's comfort needs. Even then, the pharmacist made a frantic protest, upon my return to the pharmacy across town. Though she had the prescription guaranteed from the responsible provider I had contacted, she balked at providing the medication, now two hours overdue for the patient. Her reason: She had not received a fax.

Being committed and feeling highly responsible for the vulnerable and traumatized patient/friend, I had exhausted myself to provide a simple pill two hours later than necessary to control his severe pain. Meanwhile, the capitalist-based providers had made tens of thousands of dollars for delivering irresponsible, unresponsive services. To hold these people to account under the current system is even more exhausting and far from effective in the larger picture. They can simply get away with it by shuffling responsibility around and moving on to make more money.

This is the future, unless enough people say 'no' and work to change the world. This is the whole basis and purpose of practice in a society.

Boundaries

I ride the subway every week. I have found that the walls around people in that social space have become all but impenetrable. Eye contact is avoided. Facial expressions are flat and devoid of emotion. Occasionally, while reading an advertisement above the heads of passengers opposite me which solicits subjects for a depression study at a local medical center, I fight the urge to direct my fellow riders' attention to the ad above them.

Is this just post-911 ennui? I do not think so.

Boundaries are necessary in a civil society and in healthy relationships between friends or family. Yet, in this society, which is increasingly uncivil, the boundaries erected by individuals against social contacts with strangers are not symptomatic of health. Rather, these are walls built out of fear. And the fear is quite justified, when teenagers are carrying illegal firearms and all the mental institutions have been emptied onto the streets.

My practice is simple. I try to remain open in social situations, yet I also respect the boundaries obviously erected by those who are afraid. I do intervene when I see criminal behavior. I report it or directly address it. Recently I told a teenager to stop defacing the interior of a subway car with a permanent marker, for example. He was so humiliated, he sat like a turnip with his head bowed for the next several stops when I left the train. Part of practice for me entails doing the work of determining the boundaries and responsibilities of being a responsible citizen, friend or family member. Avoiding that work is irresponsible and will only make matters worse for everyone.

Superstition

Religions use superstition to control their followers. A morality based on superstition is not genuine. A morality based on compassion and social responsibility is both genuine and intelligent. The lack of justice, kindness and political advancement in societies dominated by religion speaks for itself. Look, read, study and assess any religion on its merits, and I am sure you will think twice before become a devotee.

Instead, look to your heart, your conscience and your natural instincts to be open to other human beings and their experiences. Practice kindness, control of anger, and responsible behavior in social situations. Soon you will see that this way... not the way of superstition, conformity and guilt... is the way to personal evolution.

Lies

The Truth is, of course, an abstract concept. I mean The Truth of a situation or an action contains many aspects. There is subjective truth, which is what the participants in a certain situation or action perceive as what really occurred or motivated them. There is the objective truth of what an observer or listener perceives about the same situation or action. This is obviously at the basis of Justice. Sorting out where the subjective and objective truths converge to create The Truth, in order to determine responsibility and accountability.

To live mindfully and compassionately in society requires constant assessment of what is truthful and what is a lie. The worst lies are those we tell ourselves. The more lies we tell ourselves, the less connected we are to The Truth of life and The Truth of being an evolving person.

One of the most common lies which we tell ourselves over and over again is a denial of our mortality. This particular lie is extremely corrupting to the human consciousness. To maintain it, people go to great lengths. The plastic surgery industry and the pharmaceutical industry can bank on that.

When I made the conscious decision forty-seven years ago to come out as a gay man, I took my first feeble steps toward the light of Truth in my life. It was a hard road then, and it continues to be a hard road now at times. Yet, I feel that I can see where I am going on that road. That makes each footstep a little easier.

Embracing the lies leads to much more confusion and pain in life. Lies require so much damn maintenance. Sharing in the lies of others layers blinding insulation over one's whole life to the point that any truth seems unreachable without a major breakthrough. For some, I suppose, this is what happens when they are 'born again'.

Taking the first step to The Truth begins in this moment, and the next, and the next. This is called practice.

Refuge

There is a lot of attention being paid to the subject of immigration in the so-called developed world. Economic refugees, or migrant workers, are claiming a right to cross borders illegally to earn money to support a life based on ignorance and poverty in their home countries. Political refugees in the U.S. are just as likely to be aligned with fascist regimes as with opposition groups seeking social justice. All lines are blurred. Overpopulation makes it impossible for governments to justly consider each case with the compassion it deserves. Borders are porous due to air travel and the sheer numbers of people willing to break immigration laws.

The refuge these people seek is elusive. The lawfulness they subvert by illegally entering a more civilized society is key to maintaining the civility of that society. So, these refugees subvert the quality of the idealized society to which they flee. Rarely do these refugees return to their home countries for the purpose of effecting real social and political change. More often, they attempt to create a microcosm of their root culture within the society which grants them refuge. This too subverts the cultural integrity of the very place which they seek as refuge. After all is said and done, their root culture is what drove them to seek refuge in the first place. The propaganda of corporations which rely on these people for cheap labor would have you believe that this behavior is culturally enhancing by adding to the hyped diversity factor. In reality, alienated, undereducated and impoverished people have very little to give to their environment. They are more focused on getting than giving. They have to be to survive.

The only real refuge from poverty, cruelty and ignorance is education. If developed countries estimated and spent the expense which refugees incur on building and staffing schools in underdeveloped regions of underdeveloped countries, potential refugees could be given the tools to turn their native lands into decent places to live over time. Accepting and enabling refugees to remain ignorant for the purpose of enslaving them for financial gain is not commendable.

For those in developed countries who are in need of refuge, the solution is the same. Education, combined with hard work. I myself was born in a developed country to relatively uneducated and intolerant people. I found refuge in my schooling, though it was extremely difficult for me to overcome learning and cultural disabilities, to which I was born. Running away to become an uneducated and underpaid worker (slave) or a dependent on someone else never occurred to me. I suppose I owe it to my upbringing that I never felt that escape on that level was an option. I stayed in my community, endured violence and derision, worked like a dog, and managed to learn a great deal about life and people, as well as science and literature. But now, at an age when I often need refuge from pain, disease and social discomfort, I can and do rely on my ability to learn, to immerse myself in study and research with a goal of improving my life, despite adversity. That refuge is part of my daily practice.

Stocks

The stock markets are evolved monsters, originating in market squares of primitive villages. They are the playground of the wealthy, greedy, aggressive and materialistic. In recent times, they have been touted to the general public as beneficent and necessary features of 'freedom' in the capitalist catechism. This is part of the scheme, of course. The scheme of the rich to get richer at the expense of the gullible. Socialism is the only check against runaway capitalism. Socialism, basically embodied in the sharing of capital and resources through government administration of tax revenues, has been responsible for the general improvement in health, education and quality of life for the masses of the industrial societies. Stock markets are to social welfare, as casinos are to hospitals. In other words, apples and oranges. While freedom does entail the unimpeded existence of stock markets, it does not exclude socialism. And, the source of the wealth required for social improvements in a society is basically irrelevant. However, the recent attempt of government to fuse the concept of stock market trading with social welfare is perverse and dangerous. That is the road to fascism. In my own practice, I try to align my need for economic freedom with my social responsibilities to the general society. I do not begrudge my tax payments, unless I see those revenues being stolen or squandered by unscrupulous politicians. It takes the vigilance and right action of all citizens in a society to maintain and promote the welfare of everyone in it.

Muscles

I was in a crawlspace today under my porch. I tried to avoid the simple chore that needed to be done because I am claustrophobic. I took it as a challenge and was able to get centered enough to attack it. The space is 24 inches high. The spiders seem to like it. In getting in and out of the crawlspace, I noticed I was using muscle groups in the center of my body which I never usually use. It was a painful realization. It made me think of a current exhibit here at the Museum of Science, which has on display flayed human bodies, preserved with plastic injections. As our cognitive skills become more central to our survival, it seems we must consciously practice at using our bodies' full potential. Facing health challenges makes this even more daunting. I am committed to using my body's potential as best as I can as part of my daily practice.

Maintenance

So much of living life well is conscious maintenance. Exercise, diet, dental floss, all maintenance. I weed my garden and fertilize. More maintenance. I try to keep up with house cleaning and minor repairs as they arise. Maintenance again. And there is the time for reading and research on the Web. Mental maintenance. There is keeping up with friends. Social maintenance. The key to enjoying life as I age is learning to enjoy the maintenance, as much as possible. It's the old 'enjoying the trip' thing. Letting go of ideals of perfect stasis, or a final perfect destination, is crucial to this enjoyment. Relishing the tasks of daily living becomes less challenging when those tasks are greatly varied. Less boredom. And doing maintenance in steady small steps also helps. I find a calendar and note pad very helpful. When leisure does come, it is all the richer for my maintenance. I see maintenance as part of my daily practice.

Borders

Borders, like personal boundaries, are products of civilization. Borders define the boundaries of responsibility of government. Government must have defined borders and a defined population of taxpayers to support those things which are considered civilized. Health care, roads, schools, all must be planned in accordance with a defined population and a defined budget, paid by a defined number of taxpaying citizens. There is no free lunch in life. Everything has a physical and definable cost. Even the leisure, required to meditate or to concentrate on science or to study philosophy or to write a poem, entails cost. Food must still be produced. Water must be purified and transported. Electricity must be generated. While some have leisure, others are working to support that leisure. And that work costs. So, to maintain progress in civilization, we must conserve and plan and budget for costs, based on realistic populations, defined by borders. Violating borders is intrusion. It too has a cost, which is unfairly passed on to those who support the infrastructure which is intruded upon. It serves us all well to try to look at the current issues about population and immigration in this practical light. It is wise to avoid being distracted by cries of racism and cultural elitism in this particular instance. These inflammatory words are frequently used by wrong doers to rationalize their irresponsible behavior and to try to unjustly shame those who are trying to be responsible to the law-abiding majority.

Wanting

The wheel of suffering in this world is fueled by wanting. Yet the ruling world culture, based in Capitalism, is motivated by wanting. As the human species spins more and more toward Capitalist supremacy, it will also spin more and more toward increased suffering. It will be that suffering which will eventually bring down Capitalism. We live on a rock in an atmospheric bubble in a vast and chaotic Universe. If we live responsibly in balance and harmony with the planet, we may indeed evolve to see our species outlive the life of the planet itself. This would be an evolutionary breakthrough of Universal merit. However, if we persist in wanting what we know is harmful to ourselves and our planet, we as a species will most likely regress or perish. Each person can contribute to human evolution by choosing to live in responsible balance through thought and meditation. The ability to do so is what makes us human.

Hair

I cut my own hair. It's a long story, but I do. Cutting my hair is rather routine. I've been doing it for decades. Cleaning up after cutting my hair is always a contemplative experience. Hair clippings are extremely resistant to being collected and disposed of. So, molecules of my own DNA are still in the nooks and crannies of every place I've lived. Hair grows about one half inch per month. Seeing a pile of something I've grown unconsciously on my own body always fascinates me. Hair is dead skin. My hair has been many different shades of color over the decades. It is now shot through with white hairs, though overall still a light brown with russet tones. My hair grows thicker on some parts of my head. Cutting my hair reminds me that I am an animal, a biologically aging and changing being. Awareness of the emotional baggage associated with my hair also allows me to challenge my attachment to my appearance and my own resistance to change. Learning to cut my own hair as a routine practice, a chore, has helped me take responsibility for myself in a very basic way. I am the keeper of this body in specific and deliberate ways. And cutting my hair is teaching me in small increments how to let go of my body, which will some day cease to be.