Commitment

The virtual acquaintanceship which abounds in a Facebook world is an extension of the real community which once existed on every block or in every neighborhood of cities and towns. That actual community is rare in modern America. As Americans have done with fast food over real food, they now settle for this virtual community over real community.

Why? I think the answer is simple. It's easier. Real relationships require work. Being in touch with an elderly neighbor down the street may entail cutting her lawn or getting her groceries. Knowing a quadriplegic next door may entail washing him and helping him out of bed in the morning when his caregiver is unable to do it.

Community, like all relationships of any substance, requires some commitment. Americans are averse to social commitment. This aversion is obvious in America's refusal to address global warming, urban poverty and other social inequalities in society. This aversion is obvious in the popularity of Tea Party rantings about not paying taxes and its attempts to stoke fires of racism in America. This aversion is obvious in America's persistent willingness to toy with the human rights of LGBTQ people and others.

A healthy community is peaceful and inclusive. This requires a strong commitment by all community members to participate in socially responsible speech and behavior at all times. Are responsible speech and behavior the predominant features of current American society? To its credit, the culture of Facebook is generally cordial and inclusive. Perhaps the Facebook experience, combined with a renewed commitment of neighbors and friends to build and maintain real community, will help us repair our society in time. I certainly hope so.

Courage

In the materialist and hedonist American culture, we are bombarded by stories in various media about people facing adversity by continuing to live "active" lives which often entail trips to exotic places, bicycle tournaments, cross-country treks. The media, owned by corporations who sell things, like trips, bicycles and motel rooms, have a vested interest in portraying the "brave" survivors of adversity as determined consumers.

Some who survive adversity become businesses, like the segments of the breast-cancer-fundraising industry, which has been exposed as a cash cow for some indiscriminate entrepreneurs while yielding limited net funds to cancer research. Parents of afflicted children, with the help of media promotion, have started non-profits which have become their full-time job, yielding much higher annual salaries than they ever expected in their original occupations, while yielding relatively little money to help others.

I am sorry to say that many of these trends are modeled on the example of the so-called, non-profit AIDS industry. By diligently pursuing Federal grants, running trendy fundraisers and setting up highly specific non-profits, some in the AIDS industry have made huge salaries, bought second homes and retired early on large pensions. They have traveled the globe on tax-deductible money under the pretext of attending conferences. AIDS transmission has not been impacted commensurate to the cost of funding these agencies.

What about the courage of those who live with adversity humbly and responsibly without participating in corruption, tax-evasion or manipulation of public sentiment? Millions of people live these lives day by day without resentment or selfishness. Yet, they are not held up as role models for those who may some day be confronted with a life crisis. Their wisdom is considered weakness by many. By the materialist and selfish, they are seen as losers.

What a sad state our culture is in! Despite the recent failure of greedy capitalism, our government struggles to prop it back up. People who come here illegally and reap the benefits of the hard work of native-born and legally immigrated Americans are seen as victims. Our Congress argues over billions of dollars to keep rich war contractors happy. Millions of people are losing their homes in foreclosure, while real estate experts joyfully tout increased sales and higher prices of property, as the banks resell the properties they have taken back.

It takes courage to live a simple and responsible life. To fulfill daily commitments to those we love requires consistency and routine. Flying off to a beach in Thailand at will is not on the menu of someone who loves and cares for others with a limited income. But we seldom hear the story of those who do the washing, the dressing and the feeding of those who cannot function by themselves.

I applaud and admire the courage of those who care responsibly and humbly for their fellow human beings throughout their lives. They are the unseen fabric which holds a society together. They often enable others in family systems to live more colorful and recreational lives without ever getting acknowledged for their contribution.

Commitment

Commitment is not complicated. Commitment to another person is being there for that person in mind, body and spirit, when being there for that person is needed and wanted by that person. It is not simply hanging around in a prespecified role and half-heartedly going through the motions. In too many cases. this is called 'marriage' or 'family'.

Commitment is a living, creative and conscious decision. It is not a name on a deed or a bank account. In these materialistic times, commitment is confused with financial contract. They are not the same. The financial contract may indeed be a mutually decided upon symbol of an ongoing commitment. However, the commitment itself is only as good as its regular renewal and verification by those partnered in it.

My practice involves serious maintenance and clarification of commitments. This is a process, alive in the present in each relationship which entails commitment. In an existential sense, every transaction in my life entails an openness on my part to commitment to honest and compassionate interaction. This applies to daily business transactions, contacts with strangers and contacts within my social network. When a society maintains this kind of practice, it is considered truly civilized.

Kindness

Kindness is more than nice words. Kindness is a commitment. Kindness is rooted in patience and generosity of spirit. These are times of false kindness in many respects. Superficial lip-service to politically correct causes is not kindness. It is insincerity. A big lie. Giving individuals the benefit of the doubt is kind. Allowing unkind people to take advantage of you is just plain stupid. Living well entails balancing kindness with wisdom.