Companionship

Who knows your truth? With whom do you share your life experiences openly and honestly? Where do you turn for honest criticism?

As we emerge from the dark age of the Bush administration in America, it seems interpersonal relationships have regressed in quality on some levels and progressed in others. The advent of Facebook and Linkedin have perhaps diminished isolation for the more socio-phobic. However, the level of intimacy in these virtual communities is inhibited by the constraints of the new hypocrisies about sexuality and gender roles. Leftovers from the born-again days.

This is also a post-psychological era in many ways. Drug companies have subverted psychotherapy as a method of personal growth and understanding. Alcohol abuse and alcoholism are once again epidemic on college campuses and in the lives of young working adults in urban areas. Drug abuse is also commonplace on all levels of society.

The stretch to intimacy in relationships is inhibited by the sense in many circles that "getting along" in groups is crucial. This breeds stagnation and conformity in such groups. Creative relationships wither in this atmosphere, where gossip and peer pressure are governed by mediocrity, political correctness (hypocrisy) and jealousy.

Trusting, committed companionship between two or more people is a precious asset in life, which can transform and sustain lives of creativity and expansion. Honesty in such relationships is key. Respect of personal differences and individual autonomy is also essential.

The current obsession in American society is finding The One. It seems absurd to see this stated by someone on Facebook who lists over 1,000 people as their friends. If I were to have 1,000 friends and had yet to find The One, I would logically assume I am not looking very hard, or that The One is not really whom I'm after. In fact, I would begin to think I was perhaps content with The None.

This brings me back to my original questions. The answers to these questions may vary. For some, the person most intimately involved in his/her day-to-day may be someone on a computer thousands of miles away. While relationships of this kind can be remarkably sustaining on an intellectual level, they do not provide the touch and hugs of affection which most human beings relish and need to feel loved.

At another extreme, the person most intimately involved with a person's life may be a sexual partner who is not even part of that person's day-to-day. The mistress or the sex buddy may know more about his companion than anyone else in his companion's life. This is not as uncommon as conventional morality would lead us to believe.

Integrating intimacy and companionship is the skill of a mentally healthy adults. It entails commitment on some level, occasional failure and creativity. The result is greatly nourishing. The rewards eventually outweigh the effort. True companionship with intimacy makes our lonely path from birth to death less arduous and more joyful.

Fireworks

strolling tired in summer heat
long day of july independence
moving against a human tide
madly rushing to water's edge

avoiding addled drugged stares
pairs and triads of angry men
seeking source or target of pain
along steaming paved streets

near empty subway rumble ride
loud asian syllables in the air
yearning for quiet in my rooms
interrupted by more angry eyes

ambling along to my own street
suddenly peopled with strangers
climbing the low hill with relief
old wooden door unlocked yields

flashing and booming fireworks
there outside my own window
now shrugging with wide yawn
happily drifting to sweet sleep

Addiction

I am impressed by the current trend in U.S. society to accept binge drinking and public intoxication. In the urban environment, it is matter of course to see inebriated people in public in the middle of the day. On weekends, drunk young people are commonplace during the afternoons on city streets.

Thirty years ago, this would have been unacceptable public behavior, associated with sociopaths and derelicts. Not so today. What has happened?

Well, the U.S. was led for eight years by an alcoholic, who, despite claims of longterm sobriety, managed the government like an unruly drunkard. President Obama chose to resolve a serious racial incident, involving a cop and a Harvard professor, by having a beer with them. When did drinking alcohol become a panacea?

While I believe it is useless to try to control human behavior, like drinking alcohol, by stern prescriptions of sobriety, I am concerned that all the ills associated with addiction will once again blossom with the inevitable social repercussions. Domestic and random violence are among the worst of these.

Personal and social peace is dependent on the mindfulness of individuals. Alcohol/drug use is antagonistic to mindfulness. Mindfulness requires a useful, alert brain. Managing brain function cognitively is difficult enough in itself without adding external intoxicants.

The occasional medicinal use of alcohol, cannabis or other intoxicants may have some beneficial effects for some people. However, the routine, habitual use of intoxicants has no beneficial effect for any individual or society. Learning this lesson is a necessary first step for many on their path to personal growth.