Ego

Ego can be a touchstone and a prison. While finding one's center involves a certain amount of devotion to self-discovery and understanding, finding one's most peaceful and compassionate place in human society involves turning from one's own needs in favor of awareness of the needs of others. I believe the person with the most developed, secure ego is also the person whose ego is least apparent in productive social interactions.

The current bee-hive mentality which is popular in some segments of society can be a retardant to healthy ego development. Conformity and the distractions of the mass-think which develops in social media rob time away from reflection, solitude and reading those sources which would lead to self-discovery and understanding. Facebook-think is a salad of shallow observations, one-liners and thumbs-up "likes".

Distraction from suffering does not address or modify its source. It fuels denial through bolstering an attitude that everyone is the same in every way. This equivocation deepens dysfunction when it is used to seal over deep scars of developmental trauma, individual genetic problems or chronic relational problems. While the sense of belonging is soothing, it does not heal or modify individual challenges, which can worsen when ignored over time.

So, there is a great challenge in this Twitter age. While constantly being and writing about "me", man do not take the time and effort to analyze and understand the "me" being communicated to the world. What is it's purpose? Where is it channeling its energies? What is its place in society?

I see my own humanist practice as working on my self-understanding in order to better contribute to the human experience through communication and action in each moment. I seek to be a process, as opposed to a fait accompli. An important part of that process is the constant interaction and influence of others in various settings and relationships as my days progress.

Process

Last evening I was speaking with some people about group process. Basically, process is the journey to any result. It is my belief that the process, if nurtured and utilized for its own value, can exceed the value of the result for its participants.

My personal genetic and environmentally produced, intellectual wiring tends toward the pragmatic, organized and concrete. Goals, destinations, finished products....these are a few of my favorite things. However, my work in psychiatric wards with acutely dysfunctional and impaired patients in crisis several decades ago taught me an important lesson about process and its power.

Here's a simple example. Let's say a small town loses its flagpole on its town square during a wind storm. Its ornate granite foundation was damaged and needs to be rebuilt or replaced. The goal may be to replace it, but let's say the town budget is a mess, and the mayor leaves it to the residents to resurrect the flagpole. Suddenly, the townspeople are entrusted with a community goal without any recent experience at funding and constructing a town monument as a group.

The mayor calls a special town meeting. The turn out is poor, but a committee of volunteers is assembled to address the issue. They agree to meet weekly. It takes several meetings for them all to get to know each other's strengths and specific interests in addressing the issue. One is related to the owner of the hardware store. Another is a contractor, who cannot afford to do the project for free. Another is a pastor of a large congregation in the town. Others have no demonstrable material skills or resources, but they have energy and commitment to help out in whatever way they can.

Eventually, these townspeople get to know each other better by attending weekly flagpole meetings. Most of them look forward to meeting night. It enhances their sense of belonging in the community where they have lived less connected lives for many years. The committee itself becomes a small community in itself.

Soon the townspeople hear about the flagpole committee's plans to actually improve on the old town square through articles about their ideas, written by a committee member in the local paper. The newspaper donates ads for fundraising with ideas about how individual citizens can help out. Some volunteer hands-on services. Others run bake sales. Others set up a town flea market to raise funds for the project. Soon, a larger community of townspeople develops around the flagpole committee.

The flagpole committee publishes three proposed designs for the new town square project in the newspaper, after soliciting ideas from the town in the paper. Townspeople are given a phone number to call with their votes. One design wins by a mile. The buzz about the design selection process has pulled the entire town into the project. The flagpole committee proceeds after funds are secured. It contracts the work. Work on the town square begins and causes some major inconvenience for businesses, pedestrians and drivers, but there is no uproar, because everyone knows what it is about and is interested in seeing the project's completion.

The new town square is rebuilt with its new flagpole at its center. And so is the town, through the process of doing the work. The greatest gain for the town is not the new improved square with its flagpole. The greatest gain is the process of being engaged and involved as a town for a common good.